Decisions
by maybeshescrazy
Summary: Book Two of Breaking Dawn, from Bella's perspective. Rated T to be safe, please R&R.
1. Help

**Author's Note:**_ Here we are, the first chapter of Breaking Dawn, Book Two from Bella's perspective. _

_Don't get the wrong idea about why I'm writing this - I think Stephenie Meyer did the right thing having it from Jacob's POV originally. I'm not trying to make Breaking Dawn different, or better, because I liked it as it is. It's just having read the previous three from Bella's perspective, I suddenly felt as if I missed out on a huge part, and I wanted to write it in somewhere. I hope that for those of you who feel the same way, you enjoy reading this._

_The first three lines are from the end of Book One, they are not my own words, they are Stephenie's. I had to put them in to get it to flow well. The rest is all mine, and correlates with what I've written from Rosalie's perspective in my other FanFic. All of the characters are Stephenie's._

_A short chapter to begin with, they will get longer. Please review, I love hearing what you think._

**Update 6th Feb 09:**_ Having acquired Emma as my new fantastic Beta, I have now made small corrections to this chapter and chapter 2.  
_

**Help**

I found the number I wanted, one I had never called before in my life. I pressed the "send" button and crossed my fingers.

"Hello?" the voice like golden wind chimes answered.

"Rosalie?" I whispered. "It's Bella. Please. You have to help me."

I pictured her in my mind, wondered where she was speaking from. Maybe she was in her room, styling her beautiful blonde hair, or maybe her tight, fashionable jeans were gracefully slung out from under one of the cars, with Emmett by her side. I hoped that she and Emmett weren't busy at anything together – but the thought that would usually make me giggle or blush merely tightened my stomach and made me feel sick with nerves. I felt a weak flutter in my stomach again which heightened my tension.

"Bella?" came the beautiful voice at the other end.

I was growing more afraid that Edward would be back any minute. Although I had already decided that I would not let any harm come to my baby, I would not be able to keep the guilt from sweeping across my face should he catch me trying to undermine his decision. I did not have the strength, or will, to argue with him, not when I could see the tortured look he would give me. I needed to make the phone call as fast as possible.

"Oh, Rosalie... have you spoken to Carlisle?"

"No. Why are you whispering?" I thought I could detect a note of irritation in her voice. No doubt she was not pleased to hear from me – the thought made me feel more panicky. She was my only hope – I could not fight Edward alone, and she was the only one who would understand how I wanted, _needed_ this baby.

"He thi... we... I might be... pregnant." As I said the word, reality overwhelmed me, and the tears which had threatened began to flow. Tears streamed down my face, blinding me, and finally broke the weak bonds in my knees. I turned around, taking deep breaths. Leaning my elbows on the counter, I rested my head on my free arm, and tried to stay in control. There wasn't a sound from the phone.

"Rosalie?" I managed to say weakly. I couldn't think coherently. All I could see in my head was Edward's dead eyes as he spoke to Carlisle. _I have to stop him, I have to protect my baby._ "Oh Rosalie, you've got to tell Carlisle." I could feel the hysteria edging closer. _Just stop, stop, stop!_ I wanted to scream. "Edward doesn't want..." I couldn't say it. I didn't want to understand that Edward, _my_ Edward, didn't want my – his – _our_ baby. "I think he's told Carlisle already, he hasn't even..." _asked me_. _He's too afraid of hurting you_, the rational side of my mind said. _He loves you too much._ The rational side was drowned in fresh panic as I heard Edward outside, collecting something up to put in the boat. "Edward isn't listening to me. Please, you're the only one who understands..." I heard Rosalie breathe gently from the other end. Edward would be back in a few seconds to collect me; I _had_ to know that Rosalie would help me. "You've got to help me protect him. Please."

I closed my eyes for the length of a heartbeat before I heard her reply.

"Yes."

"Thank you" I managed to choke out, before I dropped the phone on the counter, and slithered to the floor, resting my dry, swollen eyes and shaking hands on the lukewarm tiles beneath me.


	2. Two Halves

**Author's Note:** _What? No reviews?! I'll take the subscriptions to be a good sign then :P Seriously though, I'd love some feedback. Next chapter Rosalie comes in, and I don't clearly have conversations set out in my head. There will obviously be a lot of arguing - do you think Bella would be helplessly caught up in the middle, or would she start stamping her foot at Edward? Hmm..._

_**Updated 6th Feb 09.**__  
_

Previously:_ "Yes."_

_"Thank you" I managed to choke out, before I dropped the phone on the counter, and slithered to the floor, resting my dry, swollen eyes and shaking hands on the lukewarm tiles beneath me._

**Two Halves**

In an instant Edward was on his knees beside me, his cool hands gently lifting me up to lean against his shoulder.

"Bella, love? What is it? Tell me, what's wrong?" he asked urgently. He shifted himself so that my head was still resting on his chest while he lowered his head to scan my face. When I didn't answer he stopped breathing – a sign that he was worried – and, to my surprise, his lips began to tremble. "Bella, _please_."

I shook my head slowly.

"Did... did you hear me?"

A new line appeared in his beautiful forehead. "I thought I heard you drop something – I'm so sorry, I wasn't concentrating. Did you faint?" I saw his eyes almost visibly darken "Did... it hurt you?"

Relieved that I could put off the argument until Rosalie was with me, I frowned slightly at his last remark, shut my eyes and pressed my cheek closer to his collarbone. I inhaled his scent and lifted my hand to rest lightly against his chest.

"No, I... I'm not sure. I just wanted to sit down. Eventful morning..." Though I tried to laugh, I only managed a grimace and what sounded like a weak groan.

If Edward knew I was lying, then he didn't say anything. In one motion he pulled me into his lap and began stroking my hair, a little too fast for gentleness.

"Shh, love. It'll all be over soon. Don't worry about a thing, it'll be fine. Just rest now."

Just as I had on nearly every morning of my birthday for the past few years, I shut my eyes tighter, and willed myself to sleep in the vain hope that I would wake up and reality would be less harsh. Sleep brought ignorance. However, the same thing could not always be said for my dreams. As usual sleep continued to elude me, and shutting my eyes tighter only seemed to bring my problems closer – but there was something else different too. My hand felt limp, dead against Edward's chest. Having him stroke my hair had never failed to calm me down; his touches had never failed to both sooth and excite me, but now I felt nothing when I touched him. I could not shut my eyes and pretend that nothing had happened. The change that had come over him was affecting me too. I couldn't bear the thought that our marriage was doomed to fail now. A tear slid out of the corner of my eye as I pulled away from him, and unsteadily got to my feet.

"I'd like to go to the boat now, I think." I said, avoiding eye contact with him. Without a word he picked me up, and carried me in his arms down the hallway, across the threshold and along into the boat. I shut my eyes miserably again as I remembered the last time he had carried me this way.

He set me carefully down on a cushioned seat, and I hugged my knees as I gazed at the beautiful island for one last time. I did not move until I was staring at nothing but the fuzzy blue line of the horizon, Isle Esme gone from sight. I shifted slightly and turned to watch Edward's back, but I could not look at him for long. Every second I looked at him, I heard his words condemning my baby, and I could almost feel the knife in my stomach. What was worse, was that I was so attuned to him I could almost physically feel the pain I knew he was going through. Again, the rational part of my mind tried to fit these two pieces together, to try and understand his decision, but I felt like my mind had gone to pieces and nothing worked coherently any more. As long as I looked at Edward my mind was a painful chaos of emotions. I turned back, and tried to focus on the waves rippling and blurring past me.

At one point he turned towards me and asked if I was hungry. I tried to conjure up a smile. It didn't work.

"No, thank you." I mumbled. I made the mistake of looking at his face – his jaw was set and his face impassive, but his eyes blazed with an emotion I had seen too many times for my liking: self-loathing. His face softened as he looked at me, but the look in his eyes would not go away. He opened his mouth as if to say something else, but unable to look at him any more in the knowledge that I was going to make it far worse soon, I again turned my head to face the other way and rested my cheek on my knees, and Edward fell silent again.

I could not look nor speak to him for the rest of the journey, except to manage a "no" when he asked me if I was hungry. I couldn't lie to him. Everything was not going to be all right. I had seen in his eyes what I would do to him when he found out. In the taxi in Rio, in the airports and on the planes, he hugged me tightly to his side, but I could only turn my face away to look out the window, and continue the battle inside my mind. I felt as if there were two parts of me – not as I'd felt before, with the Jacob part and the Edward part, when they were so different and could not be put together – but two amazingly similar parts of me, which could fit together so perfectly. They were pushing each other away, and I was the monster trying to hold them together... I knew that I loved both more than anything else in the world, and could not let either go.


	3. Killing Him

**Author's Note:** _I apologise for the delay, I won't leave the next chapter for so long - but this one is longer, to make up for it!_

_A huge thank you to my new Beta Emma, who has the most insightful corrections I've ever read. I'll be going over Chapters 1 and 2 with her new corrections too._

_Enjoy!_

Previously:_ I felt as if there were two parts of me – not as I'd felt before, with the Jacob part and the Edward part, when they were so different and could not be put together – but two amazingly similar parts of me, which could fit together so perfectly. They were pushing each other away, and I was the monster trying to hold them together... I knew that I loved both more than anything else in the world, and could not let either go._

**Killing Him**

After several lifetimes, we reached the Seattle airport. I had barely slept, and though Edward's arm had been around me almost constantly we had not spoken to each other at all. I felt too drained to be nervous, I merely walked where Edward's arm guided me, hardly looking at anybody until we had collected our bags, and began to walk through clusters of relatives crowding around our gate. Usually Rosalie wouldn't bother greeting people in the airport, though I knew Carlisle and Esme often made her come, and she would wait in Emmett's Jeep. She would be here to meet me now though, and I anxiously looked around for her styled blonde hair.

Evidently Edward saw more than I did as he weaved us around people in no particular direction – or so it seemed to me – until I saw Alice with her hand on Jasper's arm, Carlisle with his arm around Esme. Emmett and Rosalie stood a little apart from the rest of the group; her mouth pressed into a line. Ignoring Edward's puzzled look, I suddenly found my feet and hurried towards her. Tripping over the floor I fell into her arms, and for the first time in my life, I felt safe there.

"It's okay, Bella. You're home now." she murmured, and held me gently against her cold jacket.

Still leaning on her, I swivelled around to face the rest of the family – Jasper looked confused, Alice closed her eyes unhappily, Emmett was grinning as usual, Carlisle seemed worried, and Esme held a tentative smile. Lastly, I turned to face Edward. He still stood several feet away, and looked from Rosalie, to Alice, and finally to me, as his unsettled look changed to horror. He stopped breathing, froze, and I shrank back from the explosion I expected. However, when he opened his mouth, barely any sound came out.

"Bella... no."

Everyone turned to look at him, apart from Alice, whose forehead became pinched with a pained look. Jasper, who put his hands on her shoulders, watching her carefully.

"Edward? What is it?" asked Carlisle, undoubtedly voicing everyone else's thoughts.

Edward's eyes did not leave my face. As his gaze pierced through me, I wrapped my arms over my stomach, and felt Rose's over mine.

"Edward, man, what is it?" Emmett now, impatient.

Esme glanced at Alice, and then turned to me.

"Bella? Rosalie? Is something wrong?" she asked gently.

Neither of us moved, but my resolve wavered as I looked into Edward's horrified eyes. I managed to whisper,

"I'm sorry Edward. I have to."

He dropped the bags he was holding, and took a step towards me. Rosalie immediately turned her body, with me pressed against her, defensively to the side. She hissed at him under her breath. I looked at him apologetically, but he had already stopped in his tracks, a mixture of hurt and hatred on his face.

Carlisle, clearly having given up on Edward, turned to Alice.

"Alice, will you please tell the rest of us who are not as gifted as you what is happening?"

Jasper gave Carlisle an exasperated look, but Alice opened her eyes and spoke in a flat voice.

"Bella wants to keep the baby. Rosalie is backing her up."

All eyes were now on me.

"Perhaps this is something we could discuss at home," Carlisle said, "Edward, let me take some of those bags." Edward still hadn't moved, but not wanting to cause a scene in the airport, Carlisle and Emmett strode over to the suitcases, picked them up, and began walking to the exit. As Carlisle passed, he laid a hand on my husband's shoulder and began moving him forward. He began walking towards me again, still seemingly in a daze; Rosalie also started to firmly guide me towards the doors, stepping between us.

The car journey back to Forks was almost as silent as the one from Isle Esme. I was in the back seat between Edward and Rosalie, but unsurprisingly neither managed to comfort me. Exhausted, I leaned back and mindlessly focused on the small nudges from my stomach.

When we arrived back at the Cullen's house, Rosalie wordlessly scooped me up in her arms, and within moments I was placed on the couch in the living room. Thankfully, I leaned back, and waited while our suitcases were taken upstairs, and my family gathered around where I was sitting – Rose with her arm around my shoulder, Emmett in the chair next to her, Edward in the chair at the other end of the sofa, Alice leaning on Jasper in the doorway, and finally Esme, followed by Carlisle came down the stairs. They quietly walked into the middle of the room.

"Bella," Carlisle, as always, began, "is it true that you do not want an abortion?"

I made an effort to find my voice. "Yes."

Nobody moved for a moment. Then Rose spoke in her golden voice. "This is Bella's decision and I think we should respect that."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Edward's jaw tighten.

"Rosalie, please wait for a moment," Carlisle commanded. "Bella, you must understand the huge risk you are taking. We have no idea what is growing inside you – to our knowledge this has never happened before."

For the first time, Edward spoke, in a strange, forced voice. He looked at me directly with softened yet pained eyes. "Bella, this could hurt you."

Carlisle turned back to me. "An abortion would be quick, easy and painless, I promise. You and Edward need to think carefully about your decision." He paused, and Esme's hand found his and their fingers interlinked. "As both your father-in-law and doctor I would not advise that you continue your pregnancy."

There was a moment of silence as I closed my eyes and shook my head, and then everyone began talking at vampire-speed to everyone and no-one.

"Bella, you do realize what this is going to do to you, don't you?" I heard Alice's shrill voice trill, with a strange catch in her throat, over the rest. I opened my eyes and saw both her and Edward standing next to me, while Rose wrapped her arm around my shoulders protectively. Edward half-raised his hand as if to restrain her, but gave up and let it fall tiredly to his side. Instead, he crouched down next to me and held my hands tightly between his.

"You're my best friend and my sister, Bella. I don't want to watch you _die_!" Alice cried more hysterically.

Almost immediately, everyone went silent. I watched as Edward's mouth pursed and his eyes blazed. He brought my hands up to his face, and I felt my wedding ring press into my finger as he held my knuckles against his forehead. I turned back to Alice, but Rosalie got there first.

"We don't know that, Alice. This is different to anything you've seen before, none of us can tell how it's going to turn out. Bella could be just fine." She didn't bother to keep the irritation out of her voice.

I think Alice may have jumped on her and torn her to shreds if I hadn't interrupted.

"I can't kill him, Alice. He's part of me. I love him."

"Which one?" she spat at me, looking at Edward, and then turned back and buried her face in Jasper's shirt, who glared at me as I heard dry sobs from her direction.

"Hey, come on, it may not be that bad." I heard Emmett say from behind Rose.

"Oh, don't be so naïve, Emmett." Jasper said curtly over Alice's head.

I looked up and saw Emmett fold his arms.

"Well, look, if Bella wants to keep her baby, then I'm not going to be the one who stops her." Ever so slightly he moved to lean protectively over me and Rose.

"Edward?" Carlisle was letting everyone have their say, as if we were calmly discussing a minor family issue. Edward lifted his head to look over my hands.

"Please don't do this Bella... don't do this to me." he said quietly.

I freed my right hand from his, and reached to caress his smooth cheek. He closed his eyes, and looked so unhappy I thought my heart would break. As if to remind me why it was already breaking, I felt a bump from my stomach.

"I have to." I whispered back.

"Esme?" Carlisle looked at her helplessly.

Still holding his hand, Esme reached over to stroke my cheek and touch my shoulder.

"Is this what you really want, Bella?"

I nodded. She took a step back, and looked into Carlisle's eyes. He sighed, and silently they walked away, leaving the other members of the family to drift away to other parts of the house, save Rosalie who watched Edward as suspiciously as I was intently.

Alice was right. I was killing him.


	4. Memories

**Author's note:** _Thank you so much to all the people who commented - I got some lovely, very encouraging and very funny reviews which really brighten my day, so keep on! The next chapter won't be as long in coming as this one, I'm already working on it._

_Thank you again to my lovely beta, Emma, who has now got herself a FF account here - WhiteOrchidTurnedBlue! (Okay, so there's nothing on it at the minute, but whatever)_

Previously:_ "Esme?" Carlisle looked at her helplessly._

_Still holding his hand, Esme reached over to stroke my cheek and touch my shoulder. _

_"Is this what you really want, Bella?"_

_I nodded. She took a step back, and looked into Carlisle's eyes. He sighed, and silently they walked away, leaving the other members of the family to drift away to other parts of the house, save Rosalie who watched Edward as suspiciously as I was intently._

_Alice was right. I was killing him._

**Memories**

The rest of the day passed monotonously. Carlisle had thankfully taken me by my word, and soon after our first discussion, had re-assumed the role of my doctor. With a somewhat grim enthusiasm, he poked and prodded me with a variety of medical instruments, while Rosalie and Edward carefully looked on. It was especially torturous, because both of them were in some silent argument. When Carlisle left the room, Rose spent most of her time with her eyes locked on Edward's face, distrustful, angry, and sometimes, I thought, jealous. Often, his blank eyes flickered away from watching Carlisle or me as if to acknowledge one of her thoughts, but he rarely bothered to growl or say anything to her. It distressed me to see him, both of them even, fighting like this over something unspoken but I was too exhausted to do anything about it.

It almost came to blows during the evening. As I was drifting off to the muted sound of the baseball game Emmett and Jasper were watching, I turned onto my side and snuggled into the cushions. Edward whispered coolly in my ear,

"Bella? I'm sorry, you must be so tired. Would you like to go up to bed now?"

As I nodded with closed eyes, I felt his cool arms gently under me. Suddenly, Rosalie, still by my head, hissed fiercely. I opened my eyes in surprise to see Edward, with a look of pure hatred on his face, snarl back.

"How dare you think that! I would never..."

Confused, I looked over to Rosalie, who leaned over to me in reply.

"Bella, wouldn't it be better if you stayed and slept downstairs? That way," her eyes flickered back to Edward. "We can all keep an eye on you."

Edward snarled at her again. "I would NEVER hurt Bella."

Rosalie merely glared at him. As I looked back, I saw the anger fade from his eyes, and a look of despair and self-hatred creep back into them. It broke my heart a little. Uncharacteristically, instead of getting angry with Rose, I was suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling of helplessness, and I almost burst into tears. It was Jasper who spoke next.

"Jeez, guys, take a break. Edward, can't you tell that you've been stressing Bella out all day with your self-pity? And Rose, can the protective talk. She can do what she likes – she always does." he said, rather more kindly than I was expecting, considering the fact that he'd been ignoring me since I upset his wife earlier on. I managed to smile at him through my blurry vision, and once I was sure the tears weren't going to spill over, I turned to Edward with a rather more apologetic smile.

"Rose, it's fine. I don't want to sleep here, I'll get in your way anyway." I said, without looking at her. I wasn't worried about Edward any more – well, not in the way I had been before. I knew he wouldn't go against me now. Besides, Jasper was right, and I had to speak to Edward alone.

Without another word, Edward gently scooped me up in his arms, and whirled me upstairs to his room. He carefully set me down on his, no, _our _soft bed, which I had slept in many times before. Those days seemed so far behind me, given all that had happened since I had last slept here. It was early in the summer, when I had stayed over for Alice's "18th birthday" party. After all the guests had gone home she had presented me, and upon my insistence, Edward with some of the basic arrangements for our wedding. I remembered how tightly I had held Edward's hand as she happily danced around the room showing us where everything would go, and I tried not to dwell too much on the sort of scale she was clearly planning the event to be on. It seemed so silly to me now, to have been worried about such a small thing. I should have been pleased, excited, joined in even, and been carefree in a way that was impossible now.

As Edward's back was momentarily turned to close the door, I looked down to examine the bump which seemed to have grown even bigger. I felt as if I were years older than the girl I had been that day, only about a month and a half ago. I felt responsible for so many things, it was hard to think that I was still only eighteen.

I was going to try and address one of those things now. I looked up and watched Edward go to his closet and pick something out. To my surprise, he handed me my old pyjama bottoms and the holey jumper I had slept in for so many nights before our wedding. I looked up questioningly.

"I rescued them before we left, I didn't think you'd want Alice to get her hands on them." He sat down on the bed next to me, and one side of his mouth pulled up into a small, wry smile. "I can't say what's happened to the rest of your old clothes, but I couldn't let these go to the trash." His smile faded a little. "I'd grown fond of them too."

Suddenly, feeling overwhelmed with emotion again, I stretched up to kiss him, but it was mere seconds before he pulled away and stood up.

"Are you okay changing, or would you like me to help?" he asked. I briefly thought of the answer I would have given him a few nights ago; it seemed so out of place now.

"I'm fine Edward, it's not like I'm completely handicapped." I snapped, sounding rather more irritated that I felt. Darn, maybe I wasn't going to be able to have the conversation I was planning without being so ridiculously emotional.

I went to the bathroom to clean my teeth, and changed while I was there – I didn't feel like changing in front of Edward right now. _How absurd I am being_, I thought again.

When I was done, I peeped around the door to check if Alice was anywhere to be seen, and then made my way back to Edward's room. I could hear Carlisle, Jasper and Emmett discussing something downstairs, and I wondered if it was me. _Nice one Bella, tear the family apart too..._

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" I whispered to myself as my eyes filled with tears once again. Swallowing hard, I rushed into Edward's room, and threw myself onto his bed, where he was already formally sitting cross-legged. It occurred to me that he was still technically only seventeen, and when I looked at his beautiful face, it seemed so wrong for it to be holding so much pain and stress.

"Edward?" I said, my words still muffled by the pillow my face was buried in. "I need to talk to you about something."

"Yes?" I turned over to face him, and wondered how to phrase it properly.

"I don't want you to be mad with me."

"I'm not mad with you." I sighed, and pulled his wrist towards me, but he refused to move.

"Edward... _please_. I can't bear to see you like this. Please stop."

"I've waited my whole life for you, Bella," he whispered ferociously, "I can't watch you kill yourself." His hands tightened around my own wrists. I gasped involuntarily.

"Edward..." what could I say to that? Alice had already said it too. "I'm not going to die!"

"No, Bella, you don't understand. What I did was wrong, so wrong." He looked revolted with himself, and I brought my hand up to touch his face.

"It's not supposed to happen. And now you've got a vampire inside you – don't you see?" He didn't have to say the rest, I could see him thinking about the inevitability of my death. And yet I couldn't see any other option I had, I could take this one willingly, too. I pulled his face around to me.

"I've already told you. This is my choice – I'm doing it because I love both of you." He only shook his head, and did the worst thing yet, turned to face away from me, which started me crying again. I was back in the woods in September. I wasn't good for him. He'd left me. All sense of being rational slipped away from me as I pulled his arms around me, and started sobbing noisily into his chest.

"No, Edward, do-don't leave m-me." I cried hysterically. I felt his arms tighten around my back, and his chin rest on top of my head.

"Shh, my love. I'm not going to leave you. I'm always here." he said gently, and kissed my hair. He lifted me up to pull the covers on his bed back and place me, still securely held against his chest, between them.

"I love you" was the last thing I heard before I thankfully slipped into unconsciousness.


	5. Emotions

**Author's note:** _Sorry, my lovely readers, I know it's been a long while. Things have been going on in my life (yes! I have one!). Holidays will be soon here, so I might get another chapter done at the end of this week - no promises though since I have exams to revise for. Keep reading and commenting though, the more I get, the more motivated I am!_

_Again, thanks to __WhiteOrchidTurnedBlue, my beta  
_

_This will also be the last chapter where I make all the dialogue up myself (I hope you've enjoyed it). From now on, Jacob is in Bella's life again, and he's already narrated his story, so I'll use SM's original dialogue where I have to. It won't all be boring though, I'll put in as much of Bella's thoughts as possible, and I'll also add in some new scenes, definitely behind-the-scenes with Bella, and perhaps deleted scenes with Jacob? If you can think of anything you'd really like to be included then let me know. _

_Enjoy, and don't forget to review!_

Previously:_ "No, Edward, do-don't leave m-me." I cried hysterically. I felt his arms tighten around my back, and his chin rest on top of my head._

_"Shh, my love. I'm not going to leave you. I'm always here." he said gently, and kissed my hair. He lifted me up to pull the covers on his bed back and place me, still securely held against his chest, between them._

_"I love you" was the last thing I heard before I thankfully slipped into unconsciousness._

**Emotions**

I was deep in a dark and unsettling dream when I felt Edward poking me gently. I tried to tell him to stop, but was still too fast asleep; I only managed a sigh. He began poking me harder.

"Mmm... Edward... stop." I murmured.

"Stop what?" He was still poking me harder and more irregularly. I was waking up.

"Poking me." I wriggled over to face away from him, and the poking stopped momentarily.

"I'm not!" came the surprised reply. Then...

"OW!" I sat bolt upright; something had hit me square in the stomach. I looked at Edward who had also sat up, his dark eyes wide and glinting in the half-light.

"What _is_ going on?" I asked angrily, one hand protecting my stomach.

"Bella, love, what are you talking about? What happened?" Edward asked; half-curiously, half-anxiously.

I looked down at my belly which had rounded even more overnight. With Edward watching me suspiciously, I pulled my sweater up, and could vaguely make out a new red mark where I had been hit.

"Oh." Nobody had hit me – deliberately, anyway. "_Oh._" I looked back at Edward, whose mouth had pressed into a hard line. "He's only kicking." I whispered. Edward moaned quietly

"Bella..." he began in a strained voice, but I quickly put my finger on his lips.

"No, don't say anything." I smiled, and pushed him back onto the bed, lying down next to him and staring into his beautiful eyes until the sun rose, saying nothing.

I must have drifted off at some point, and when I woke it was to the stabbing, yet familiar, pain of morning sickness. The bruises I sustained from my baby's strong little feet increased in number through the next couple of days, which I was partly grateful for. As the kicking became more frequent, it was easier to get used to and ignore. I didn't have to let Edward see my pain. I could still see a crazed look in his eyes, but he remembered to hide his groans and his pained looks. It made it easier to lie to myself, and believe Rose when she told me everything would be okay – which was usually after I'd thrown up my previous meal. I was finding it harder and harder to keep down food, which made me feel much worse than I was sure I was. There was also something on my mind, which I knew I had to address.

I waited for Carlisle to finish his early-morning medical check on me, before announcing,

"I want to speak to Charlie."

Edward turned to look directly at me from the end of the sofa, where my feet were resting on his lap.

"What? Love, you know that's not possible."

"Why not? He'll be expecting us back any time soon anyway. I want to talk to him."

"Bella, you know that he'll want to see you as soon as he thinks you're back." Carlisle said carefully.

I considered this.

"All right. But I should be able to talk to him at least – I can't ignore him forever, just because I'm... _married_. He's still my father."

"Bella..." Edward began, but Carlisle interrupted.

"Well, if you do insist on talking to him, then we'll have to say that you're ill – very ill, infectious even, so that he doesn't try and see you. He'll be worried about you, you know."

I hated hurting him almost as much as I hated hurting Edward, but maybe it was for the best. Prepare him for what would come – whatever that would be. I swallowed, and nodded.

"I can probably pass off as very ill, the way I sound," I grinned, referring to my cracking voice. Being as sick as I was had taken its toll.

"Alice!" Carlisle called. She appeared almost immediately. "Bella wants to ring Charlie. We're going to tell him she's sick so he doesn't come around. Will he try and come anyway?"

Alice looked at me hard, before her eyes unfocused for a moment.

"He'll... he'll be very worried. He won't know what to do. He'll want to come. Eventually you'll persuade him not to." Her eyes refocused. "Bella will talk to him."

As Esme brought the phone to me, my irritation at Carlisle's precaution of checking with Alice turned to a strange mix of nervousness and overwhelming emotion as I took it. I dialed the number, and heard it ring a few times before Charlie answered. It brought me home in a childish, safe way. Although I couldn't be happier living with my family here, there was something genuinely homely in his voice.

"Dad? It's Bella" I said, with a slight catch in my voice.

"Bella, you're back! How was it? Alice told me he took you to some island South somewhere... what was it like? I... I missed you, Bells." I heard a light chuckle from the end.

"It was great, dad" I said thickly, feeling more emotional than ever. I wondered what to say.

"Hey Bells, are you okay? You sound a little croaky" he interrupted the silence.

"Um... well actually I may have caught something. I'll be fine though, don't worry" I hastened to add as he began questioning me anxiously.

"Is it serious? Did you catch it out there? What does Carlisle say?"

"I... well, I certainly don't feel that great. I think it's infectious..." I trailed off looking pleadingly at Carlisle. Lying to Charlie was just as bad as lying to Edward.

"Infectious? What is it? Shall I come and bring you home?"

"NO!" I shouted down the phone, "I mean... you can't!"

"Bella, where are you? I'll come and see you."

The tears began rolling down my cheeks. "No, you can't, dad. I... I..."

Carlisle reached over and took the phone out of my hand as Edward wrapped my shaking body in his arms. I listened to him talk in his firm, medical voice.

"Charlie? This is Carlisle. Bella seems to have picked up some sort of illness in South America. We don't know what it is yet, but it seems to be infectious. I am putting her under strict quarantine until we know what this disease is, which means that nobody may see her. No, I'm sorry Charlie, but you can't see her. No. I am treating her here, at home – I can't tell how bad she is, but at the moment it looks pretty serious. No, I'm sorry Charlie, but it's for your own safety, I will not allow you in. I'm doing everything I can for my daughter-in-law, I assure you... you can of course speak to her by telephone though. Yes. Yes, okay. Bye."

He turned to where I was resting my head on Edward's shoulder.

"Charlie will call you every day to see how you are getting on..." He looked at Edward for a moment, finishing the sentence mentally, before replacing the phone into its charging socket.

I both looked forward and hated Charlie's calls in the morning; I hated lying to him and often ended the phone call in an uncharacteristic emotional mess, yet sometimes I felt as if he were my last living connection with the "real" world. After the wedding I'd managed to emotionally detach myself from my school friends, which left only Charlie, Renee and Jacob, and the latter two wouldn't be around any time soon. At least, that was what I had thought.

I was feeling particularly crappy about a week after Charlie's first call. I was vomiting more and more, almost every two hours, and I was only feeling well enough to stay confined to the couch, with Rose mopping my forehead and holding the basin for me. Unfortunately, my new spate of sickness did not improve Edwards mood, and he sank back into a depression I was too weak to pull him out of. I could merely watched him mentally berate himself, with the occasional groan after I had thrown up.

It was after the ritual of measuring my belly – I was now some ridiculous size which was equivalent to nearly 6 months – that Alice came whizzing down the stairs frantically, staring at Edward when she reached the bottom. Unsure of what to, he stood up, and then called Carlisle.

"What is it?" I asked Edward, slipping my hand into his which was hanging at the level of my face. He turned around.

"Something's happened at the reservation. They're coming here, Alice thinks."

_Jacob! _My heart leaped at the thought of seeing my friend again, but this thought brought another. The last time I had seen him he had made it very clear that he would not enjoy another visit, and seeing me pregnant would not improve his feelings at all. Was he bringing others with him? Were they coming to see if any nonsensical treaty had been broken? Were they coming, full force, to see if I was still alive?

"Edward!" I gasped, panicking slightly.

Everybody gathered around me and began whispering at high-speed. I felt Rose's cool hand press down on my forehead.

"Shh, Bella, don't worry. Keep calm, you don't want to make the baby stressed."

I tried to relax, and reassured myself that nothing had been done wrong, but I could not keep the anxiety of a possible fight out of my mind – I could not risk anyone I loved getting hurt because of me.

"Wait," Edward said, frowning, "I can hear something... someone"

I held my breath as the furrow in his brow deepened. He turned and I saw a strange emotion in his eyes.

"Jacob's coming."


	6. Explanations

**A.N.:** _So, after a bit of a break, I'm back with the next chapter, I hope you enjoy it. It was fairly difficult to write as I actually had to take into account the original dialogue and descriptions from Breaking Dawn, which are now centred around what I'm writing. I had the book open in front of me the whole time, so I hope I've done a faithful account of it from Bella's perspective. I'd love it if you could read this at the same time as reading Jacob's part in the book and let me know how you think I've translated what he sees into what Bella's thinking, and vice versa. This part can be found in the middle of chapter 9.  
_

_I hope you enjoy it!_

Previously: _"Wait," Edward said, frowning, "I can hear something... someone"_

_I held my breath as the furrow in his brow deepened. He turned and I saw a strange emotion in his eyes._

_"Jacob's coming."_

**Explanations**

A moment passed. I could hear the growl of a motorbike in the distance now, getting louder by the moment. Everyone was quiet, listening.

"What are we gonna do, bro?" Emmett asked.

Alice turned her face from Edward's.

"He's angry with us. He's come to fight."

"Bring it!" Emmett jumped up.

"How dare he?" Rosalie snarled.

"Boys..." Esme cautioned, as Jasper went to stand shoulder to shoulder with Emmett.

"This'll be easy, we can take him out in a second together." he reassured her.

My heart lurched.

"No! Wait..."

Carlisle interrupted me.

"I would rather this didn't turn into a fight if possible. Let's wait for him to arrive before we make any decisions about this, all right? Edward, perhaps you could tell us more clearly what he is thinking."

Edward moved slightly, an unfathomable expression on his face.

"He's heard about Bella's illness, but he knows that it's a pretence. He thinks she's already... dead."

Carlisle's expression relaxed.

"That's fine then. I will speak to him when he arrives."

"No! We shouldn't let him near the house, it's too dangerous," Rosalie exclaimed, her voice rising. "If you don't want to take him out then I will." she hissed.

"No, please listen..." my voice was drowned out by the others' angry mutterings. Edward was standing silently, his mouth pressed into a line as he listened to Jake's thoughts. I heard his bike's guttural roar arrive outside the house, the skid of stones as it stopped, and then suddenly quiet. There was a crash – probably as the bike fell to the ground, and in a split second Carlisle was opening the door to my best friend.

"Hello Jacob. How are you?"

I couldn't see the door from where I was, but I could hear his voice. A thousand warm memories washed over me as he spoke. He had a hard tone to his voice, and it sounded as if he was clenching his teeth.

"I heard Bella made it back alive".

"Er, Jacob, it's not really the best time." Quick as a flash Carlisle turned to look at Edward, unusually unsure as to what to do. Edward nodded. "Could we do this later?"

"Edward! What did Carlisle just ask?" I whispered furiously. He ignored me, his eyes still on the door.

"Rosalie? Esme!" I whispered to the two people standing close to me, getting more annoyed by the second, and forgetting that they couldn't tell me Carlisle or Edward's thoughts.

"We shouldn't tell anyone Bella, you know that," Rosalie reminded me quietly.

"Why not?" I gave up trying to keep my voice down, my throat couldn't handle it, "Are we keeping secrets from Jacob too? What's the point?"

Everyone turned to look at Alice. She shrugged.

"Come in, please, Jacob," I said more determinedly this time.

"Excuse me," I heard him say, with a hint of smugness in his voice, to Carlisle.

I saw him walk into the living room, but his face was hidden behind Edward, now looking down at me. Jake stopped abruptly, and I could tell he was staring at Edward. In horror? In anger? I couldn't see, and I was too weak to move.

He moved slightly to see me and the Jacob drawer in my head was flung open. The Jake from my memories was here in front of me. It seemed too unreal that after everything that had happened recently, he could still be here, the same as ever. The walls began to swing around me, and my stomach heaved.

Thankfully Rose was there to hold the basin up to my chin as I vomited yet again into it. Almost immediately, Edward knelt down beside me, his eyes blazing again, making my own fill with tears. As if Rosalie had seen, she held out her hand protectively.

Once I was sure I could control my emotions, I lifted my head to look at Jacob. My cheeks blazed to be seen in this no doubt pitiful state.

"Sorry about that," I managed to whisper to him.

Edward now caught my attention by groaning and leaning his head on my knees. I wished he wouldn't do this, it made my heart break - and yet I knew he'd been lying when he'd covered up his emotions previously. I stroked his cheek gently, willing him to hear my thoughts; "It'll be okay, don't worry."

When Rosalie hissed I looked up to see Jake standing next to me again.

"Rose, don't. It's fine," I croaked out.

She moved to crouch behind me again, as Jacob spoke to me for the first time.

"Bella, what's wrong?" he spoke back at my volume.

He came and knelt by me too - the two people I loved best in the world, both agonising at my side. "Are you all right?" he asked, as he took my hand in his.

It was plain I wasn't.

"I'm so glad you came to see me today, Jacob," I said. Now I had seen those closest to me, bar my human family and friends, I was ready for anything.

As if hearing my morbid thoughts, Edward moaned again, and I began to caress his cheek again.

"What is it, Bella?" Jacob pressed, squeezing my hands as if he was never going to let me go.

How could I explain without driving him away? How could I say anything without making him angry? I could already see how furious he would be, how he would blame my family, and especially Edward. I looked around at them anxiously, but nobody provided me with an answer.

Finally I decided to show him.

"Help me up, Rose?"

She didn't move, staring at Jake with a murderous expression.

"Please, Rose."

This time she listened to me, and began to lift me up.

"No, don't get up," Jacob whispered to me, as if I were likely to break if I moved. _I'm not that fragile_ I thought angrily.

"I'm answering your question," I said, irritated.

I managed to stand up, with Rose supporting my back. As the blanket fell off my stomach I saw Jacob's eyes open wide, taking in my huge body. Instinctively, as he stared at my belly, I wrapped my arms around it.

We stood, silent, for an age. I saw the emotions cross his face, unhindered. Unbelief. Shock. Repulsion. Horror. Anger.

Before I had time to say anything to counter what he must have been thinking, Edward was on his feet, already replying.

"Outside, Jacob."

"Let's do this."

Suddenly Emmett and Jasper were flanking Edward, ready for the fight. This couldn't happen, I couldn't let anything happen to my family because of me.

"No!" I cried breathlessly, as I tried to rush forward to grab Edward, as if I could move him. I almost overbalanced, but Rose had my back and held me steady as I held my husband's arm.

"I just need to talk to him, Bella," he said quietly to me. He could see that this did not pacify me as I stared up at him, terrified. Gently, he stroked my cheek, imitating the move I had made to comfort him. "Don't strain yourself," he asked me, his eyes pleading with mine. "Please rest. We'll both be back in just a few minutes."

I was too tired to argue, so I nodded briefly and made my way towards the couch, with Rosalie helping me back down. My eyes were drooping, but there was something I had to say to Jacob. I may have trusted Edward not to start anything, but Jacob was a different matter.

"Behave," I said to him, trying to hold his gaze in my tired eyes. "And then come back."

He merely turned his back and stalked out the door behind my husband.

**A.N.:**_ So, what did you think? Please leave a review so I can take into account stuff for the next Bella/Jacob bit, which is REALLY IMPORTANT._


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